When I was an adolescent my sister-in-law taught piano lessons out of my parent’s home. She and I developed a weekly routine. I would babysit her infant daughter while she taught, and afterward, she and I would sit down at the kitchen table and chat until dinnertime. I look back on those afternoons with such warm feelings. Like a typical middle schooler, I was struggling with exploring my identity, maintaining friendships, and establishing some independence from my parents. Unlike other adults, I remember Amy patiently listening as I talked and talked and talked. I felt so important and grown up. Even though I was much younger, I considered Amy to be a close friend. She knew the power of listening and I was so grateful to experience that ...
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A composite of several conversations between parents and a sexual health educator/family therapist Parent (P): My children just turned eleven and fourteen. Should I be speaking to them about sex? Therapist/Educator (TE): This is such an important question. I am so glad you are asking yourself this question because the quality of your relationship with your teens, as they grow through mid and late adolescence, depends on how you choose to answer it. Adolescence is a life phase when we discover our own talents and competencies when we learn to focus our energy on work and get a sense of what we want our future to look like. It is also a moment when we learn about love outside the family and about sex. Adolescents “practice” romantic relationships by flirting and dating. Adolescence is normally the time of the first crush and the first kiss. Most adolescents, if you look ...
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A friend once gave me some great parenting advice based on a humorous middle-of-the-night story. When her young child woke her up with an unspecified medical ailment, she decided to ignore it and go back to sleep, because if it was serious, she would need all of her energy to deal with it the next day. This parent had her priorities in order. It is impossible to be our best as parents if we are physically or mentally exhausted and burned out. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of ourselves is just as important as taking care of our children. And here are some reasons why: Staying Sane Running around at a furious speed, meeting everyone else’s needs takes a toll on our mental health. Feeling burned out for long periods of time can lead to more serious problems like stress, anxiety, depression, social isolation, and fatigue ...
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Your child comes home from school after receiving a lower grade on a project than she expected.  She feels that she did a great job and is angry and confused because she does not feel that she was graded fairly by her teacher. There are three ways she can respond to this situation of perceived injustice. She can choose to be passive, aggressive, or assertive. A child who is passive might refrain from communicating with her teacher altogether for fear of the way she might react or respond.  A child who is aggressive might yell at the teacher or interrupt the lesson to accuse the teacher of unfair treatment. As you can see, these two extremes are not the most adaptive way of communicating. Assertiveness is the healthiest style of communication. Assertiveness requires us to recognize and stand up for our own rights, while simultaneously respecting the rights of others.  ...
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Sometimes we realize it immediately. Oops, I just knocked that glass off the table and now there’s water everywhere. Sometimes we realize it only after someone points it out to us. “That wasn’t a very nice thing to say.” However we realize it, making mistakes can be painful. We may feel guilty or embarrassed, and struggle with how to make things right. We may be tempted to ignore our mistake, rationalize our behavior, or perhaps blame someone else. Mistakes, however, are also opportunities to learn and to have deeper and more authentic relationships – with others and with ourselves.   18th century English poet Alexander Pope wrote: “A man (or woman) should never be ashamed to own that he has been in the wrong, which is but saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.” Mistakes provide opportunities for learning and for deepening relationships. So, what ...
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