This blog is written by the clinicians at Jonah Green and Associates, a mental health practice based in Kensington, MD that provides quality services for children, teens, families, and adults. It is intended as a resource for families who are seeking to expand their knowledge about mental health and mental health services, and also as a resource for families who are seeking quality mental health services, especially in the mid-Atlantic region. Please feel free to post questions and comments on any of the entries as well as on any topics or articles from our companion web site www.childandfamilymentalhealth.com.
Anxiety is a feeling that most of us have experienced at one time or another. Anxiety serves a practical purpose: to warn us of potential dangers. Unfortunately, in modern life, the “warning” is often outsized or simply irrational compared to the size or likelihood of the perceived threat. Whether the worry is about tests at school, weather forecasts, fear of being judged by others, or worry about feeling worried, anxiety can be frustrating at best and downright debilitating at worst.
With COVID-19, teletherapy went from a niche service to a widespread practice in the therapy world. Given such a significant change, I thought it helpful to share a few tips on how clients can get the most out of their teletherapy sessions.
Therapists, coaches, and “how-to” books offer a lot of excellent communication advice for conflict resolution. One recommendation is to use “I” rather than “you” statements: “I feel hurt” rather than “you’re so mean”. Another suggestion is to acknowledge the other’s point of view, with statements such as “I get how you would feel that way”. Additional skills include paraphrasing the other’s words, being specific with complaints rather than making blanket statements such as “always” or “never”, and avoiding “mind reading” (“I know you’re doing that just to manipulate me”).
When I meet a parent and family whose teen is engaging in self harming behaviors the revelation is almost always met with high anxiety, sadness, and a whole lot of fear. It makes sense that finding out your child has been harming themselves would lead to a great deal of confusion and concern for most parents. However, learning how to talk about this painful subject is one of the most effective strategies adults can use to reduce shame, end stigma, and help their adolescents to find a healthier way to cope with negative emotions. But the question remains: How do we talk about self-harm?
“You’re completely ridiculous, Dad—you don’t know anything”
“Why do you have to use the computer right now?! Let me use it!”
“You’re the reason I did so bad on that test, because you made me go to that dumb “event”!”
If you are a parent, the above quotes may feel uncomfortably familiar. Of all the difficulties today’s parents face, the shockingly disrespectful way in which their children often address them may be the most challenging. Children whom they love dearly disparage them in sarcastic or demeaning tones, or refuse to respond to simple directions. Parents may feel hurt and powerless, and if the behavior becomes a pattern, they might even grow resentful.
